I still think of you. It’s more like you haunt me. Especially in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep. I think about everything we should have, could have, would have done. It’s a new year and my imagination is running wild as always.
I thought about picking you up and driving on PCH for hours and hours just listening to music. I’ll sneak a few glances towards you so that I might catch your hollow captivating eyes staring at the ocean. We can even have a picnic on the beach and feed each other shrimp I don’t know.
I thought about rainy days and how we could just sit by a window and just watch the rain for hours. It’s something about the sight and sound of rain that calms both our spirits and the fact that you’re with me that I feel securest. We’ll just sit there in our own little world and its just that, our own little world.
I thought about walking. Walking beside you. Hand in hand, despite the fact that I hate holding hands. Your hands are the only pair of hands I don’t mind holding. We would walk aimlessly for hours. When we get tired, we would sit down and talk. If you get cold, I’d offer my jacket. Knowing you, you’re just as proud as I am and you’d just cross your arms and walk faster in the hopes that it’d get you warm.
I thought about getting sick. How I would come over and make you some soup. We can lay under the sheets as we snuggle for warmth. Even if you weren’t sick, we’d just lay there. We wouldn’t even need to have sex or anything. Just waking up, seeing your face is already the highlight of my day.
I wish I had these moments. It’s a new year and there is no point in imagining what could have been, should have been, and would have been. My thoughts of you were upon the happiest I’ve ever had but if I’m ever going to be happy, I have to let you go. I’ve been having moments of clarity and I feel like I’m finally on the right track so this is goodbye and thank you for everything…