Maybe this is for the best. I mean it wasn’t like we were dating or anything. Maybe we’ve saved ourselves from being too attached to where feelings would get hurt. Regardless of the time frame I’ll admit that genuinely liked you and I thank you for that. For it’s been a really long time since I’ve felt anything remotely close to that. Sure I would have liked things to work out but I can’t blame you that it didn’t. Instead, I’d like to wish you the best in your future endeavors and I genuinely mean that.
I’m scared to let anyone in. When someone actually puts the effort to getting close, I can’t help but gradually push them away. I don’t understand it! Maybe, I’m scared of caring for something so much that if I loose it I wouldn’t be able to feel anything remotely close to it again. Maybe, I’ve grown too content by myself that if anyone tries to get close, everything that made me content before would disappear. I really don’t want to jump to conclusions right now but for the time being, I really don’t want to mess this up.
"Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different?" C.S Lewis
I didn’t always understand that quote but it holds so much meaning to me now. I can look back and say I was completely different person from a year ago or even 6 months ago. I can’t explain it, but I haven’t been able to mark the point where my beliefs, my ideal, or even my way of thinking have been completely turned around.
The way my life has changed I can say I’m happy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’ve been depressed or anything but what has made me happy changed. A few years back, I wasn’t content unless I was out all night or periodically at a party and thats what my life was like. Now, I can enjoy a Friday night at home or just hanging out with a few friends.
Actually now that I think about it, it’s not so much of what makes me happy that changed but more so I’ve embraced more things that can make me happy. Having happiness simplified also makes life overall simplified and thus life becoming more worth while.