I hate to admit it but I think I’m loosing myself. In all honesty, I’m not even entirely sure what I really mean by this for the person I think I’m loosing I can’t even describe. I guess if you need an example, pick a random day last year. Now ask yourself, what did you want, what were your goals, where did your priorities lie? I’m betting that you can’t answer all three. I guess the point I’m really trying to make is that life never takes a break and what seems to be important and at the time a necessity will be forgotten and irrelevant.
With that said why am I unhappy? If I look back to 3 days ago I was content and without a care in the world. I can’t totally blame finals that are coming up for the nerd in me actually likes learning. But I shouldn’t be like this for I have no girl problems (thank god), family life is great, I do somewhat miss my friend from high school but I know I’ll probably catch up with them during summer, and my sex life is decent (not a slut).
As I wright and reflect, maybe I want girl problems; maybe I want to feel vulnerable again; maybe what I want most as of right now is to know that I’m still capable of feelings. But than again is that really fair for this next girl? That I might be using her as a means rather than an end? But maybe thats my problem, I can rationalize every single one of my actions before I do them instead of fallowing what people call their “heart”.
It might sound cliche but love is irrational. So maybe as of right now I irrationally want love. I grin at the fact that I totally forgot how that feels and I’m excited that it might come as a new sensation for me that I have yet to conquer. With that said, “Dear next girlfriend, I promise that with everything I am; everything I was; everything I will be, that for the time that we are together I will be worthy of your love.”
It’s kinda ironic that I used the word love in this post more than I said it this whole month. So future girlfriend you should know that when I actually say it that its sincere so don’t think I’m just trying to get in your pants.
What I’m scared of most is that like I said before, I know that maybe a year from now I might not want what I want now. That one day I’m going to wake up and forget all my current goals and aspirations (for god knows what my goals and aspirations were 5 years ago). But I can rationally put it aside because as of right now I wish to be irrational. ;)
“Don’t be so quick to judge a person on first impressions. Just like you, their stories range further than the initial 20 minutes or so upon meeting. Be open to possibilities; never assume for those scars and imperfections tell a story. Imperfections vary and those imperfections make you unique. Its people’s imperfections that make them perfect.”—Ronski
You know what I do when I feel completely unoriginal? I make a noise or do something that no one has ever done before and then I can feel unique again even if it’s only for like, a second. You just witnessed a completely original moment in human history. It’s refreshing. You should try it.
I wish I could do better by you, ‘cause that’s what you deserve You sacrifice so much of your life In order for this to work.
While I’m off chasing my own dreams Sailing around the world Please know that I’m yours to keep My beautiful girl
When you cry a piece of my heart dies Knowing that I may have been the cause If you were to leave Fulfill someone else’s dreams I think I might totally be lost You don’t ask for no diamond rings no delicate string of pearls That’s why I wrote this song to sing My beautiful girl
One, two, one two three four I wish I could do better by you ‘cause it’s what you deserve You sacrifice so much of your life in order for this to work
While I’m off chasing my own dreams (my own dreams) sailing around the world (‘round the world) Please know that I’m yours to keep My beautiful girl
And when you cry a piece of my heart dies Knowing that I may have been the cause If you were to leave and fulfill someone else’s dreams I think I might totally be lost
But you don’t ask for no diamond rings (Diamond rings) No delicate string of pearls (String of pearls) That’s why I wrote this song to sing My beautiful girl