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There are moments when I wish I knew how people think. In certain situations specifically, I notice a rapid change in behavior and I have no idea where it came from. For example, I’d have a conversation with someone and out of the blue they would arbitrarily curse. Ok, I get that fact that curse words give emphasis to the point you’re making but why is it necessary. I’m not against cursing but it just catches me by surprise sometimes and it changes the mood of the conversation. Other times it’s obvious how people are but how do they come on making their actions. For example, I’d be talking to a couple of friends and a really cute girl joins or just says “hi.” I can see my friends sometimes change gear and act manic thus making it obvious that they are attracted to her but the things they say are just so out there at times. Why is it that girl would think you’re more sophisticated or mature that you curse more and flaunt your achievements that only you yourself were pretentiously proud of. Ok, I might sound like a complete hypocrite considering I hyperventilated confessing to a girl once but yeah I wish I knew what they were thinking. Maybe it was because I was in a similar situation that I’m curious to see how people act in that situation. All I know is that no one could possibly be any worst as I was at that time ahaha. 

I’m tired. I’m tired of all the parties, the drinks, and the drugs. Seriously!! When we hang out, you don’t have to find a party. We don’t have to get fucked up. Please don’t hit me up saying that you re-uped on something I have no interest in. Don’t get me wrong, I like drinking and a good time as much as the next person but the whole weekend does not revolve around getting fucked up and getting laid. Call me boring but I wish I had friends who are just down to watch a movie. Friends who drink just to enjoy being inebriated with good company and not drinking to get fucked up. Friends who enjoy the simple things along with the ragers. Can we just kick it?

 Damn! Damn Damn! I seriously didn’t want to believe it. Last weekend I found out one of my friends died. I feel horrible about it. We weren’t particularly close but he was still my friend none the less. I don’t really know what happened exactly and I’m not entirely sure if this is the truth or not but I heard he jumped…

If this were true this makes me feel more miserable because this could have all been prevented. The few times I did hang out with him, I didn’t see it. He always seemed happy, fun loving, and without a care in the world.

After the news of finding out, I’ve been reevaluating my relationships with my friends. I always thought, “oh yeah, I’ll see them the next rave,” “there is always next weekend,” or “they aren’t going no where.” But now its evident that there isn’t always an “always.” I feel like I have to be there for all my friends if I haven’t already. 

I don’t know why this is affecting me as much as it does. I think it scares me more than anything. To think just a couple of years ago, he and I were constantly going out and partying, drinking, drugs, ect. We were at the same level. The shoe could have easily be on the the other foot. Seriously, I don’t know what to think. More importantly, what could you have been thinking right before?

Prayers and condolences to your friend and and family. Rest In Peace man.